“A Women’s Day reflection on social pressure, reproductive choices, and the gap between rights and reality”
By: Naina Samson
Marriage in Pakistan takes many forms, yet in most cases family life follows traditional rules. Families are often structured around marriage, blood ties, caste, and tribe. Within these systems, women who strictly follow family and social expectations are generally treated better. However, women who do not conform to these norms may face control, silence, or even violence.
From a young age, many teenage girls grow up learning that they must tolerate unfair treatment.
As a result, many women experience gender-based violence at some point in their lives. This creates a cycle in which women begin to accept harm as a normal part of life, allowing the pattern to continue into marriage and family relationships.
One of the strongest forms of pressure after marriage is the expectation that a woman must have a child soon, even if she is not ready or her health is fragile. Many families believe that motherhood—especially giving birth to a son—strengthens a woman’s position within her husband’s family. Women who give birth early and manage household responsibilities are often praised as “good wives.” Even educated and working women are not free from this pressure. Many are unable to make independent decisions about their own health, often delaying medical care because other family needs are placed above their own.
These beliefs do not originate from a single source. From childhood, people learn what is considered right or wrong through family, school, religion, media, and culture. Over time, these messages shape how women view themselves and how they respond to pressure. This social conditioning makes it difficult for women to speak up for their own needs.
Many Pakistani women feel that they must be strong, selfless, responsible, attractive, calm, and successful all at once. Maintaining all these expectations creates emotional strain that is difficult to avoid. Women often struggle to balance multiple roles. They want to support their families while advancing their careers. They want to care for themselves but fear being judged for doing so. This constant conflict creates silent tension that grows over time, often unnoticed until it becomes overwhelming.
Patriarchy and culture play a significant role in this reality, but another important factor is the learned behavior that women inherit across generations. Many women are taught to remain silent and accept harm. This can be understood as a form of classical conditioning. For example, some women learn to remain quiet during abuse because they fear shame or punishment.
Similarly, many women feel compelled to have a child within the first year of marriage due to social conditioning. They fear gossip, blame, and unwanted comments from relatives. Even if a woman is not ready, she may choose to become a mother based on repeated experiences and expectations she has observed in the lives of other women.
A study by the National Institute of Health shows that women often remain in abusive relationships due to fear of punishment, lack of financial support, concern for their children, emotional dependence, lack of family support, and the hope that their husbands may eventually change. Divorce in Pakistan remains heavily stigmatized, and the fear of social judgment prevents many women from seeking help. Approximately 70% of abused women have never disclosed the abuse to anyone.
International agreements and treaties, such as the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, support women rights to make decisions about their own lives. These rights include the freedom to make responsible choices about having children—when to have them and how many to have. In principle, this means that women have the right to make decisions based on their own health and personal wishes.
Alongside international frameworks, Pakistani law also recognizes certain protections related to women’s rights and reproductive health. The Constitution of Pakistan guarantees dignity, equality, and protection of life under Articles 9, 14, and 25, which provide a legal foundation for women’s autonomy and well-being.
In addition, policies such as the Punjab Reproductive, Maternal, Newborn, Child and Adolescent Health (RMNCAH) programs and the work of the Population Welfare Departments aim to promote family planning and informed reproductive choices. Pakistan has also taken steps through laws addressing domestic violence in several provinces, including the Punjab Protection of Women Against Violence Act 2016 and similar legislation in Sindh and Khyber Pakhtunkhwa.
These frameworks acknowledge that women should have the right to safety, health care, and informed decisions about their lives and families.
Yet many women, including myself, often lack the confidence to exercise these rights. The question remains: Why?
Letting go of learned behaviors and social pressure is difficult because external expectations gradually become internal fears. Change begins when a woman decides to say no and choose what is best for her own body and life. Social pressure shapes a woman’s sense of identity far more than most people realize.
Expectations influence daily thoughts, decisions, and inner dialogue. When women constantly measure themselves against what they believe they should be, mental health challenges become more likely. Anxiety increases, confidence declines, and feelings of disconnection grow stronger.
This conditioning creates emotional habits that are difficult to break. It often leads to guilt, self-blame, and perfectionism. Over time, these patterns damage mental well-being. Another challenge women face is the double standard related to physical appearance.
I personally experienced postpartum depression. Even with a background in mental health, the recovery process was not easy. During that time, I also faced comments about weight gain after my C-section. People suggested diets and remedies, while all I needed was a safe space to breathe and heal. I realized that hiding would not help my recovery. Instead, I chose to accept my body as it was and began sharing my work photos again on social media. This small step helped me overcome the fear of being judged.
I now believe that weight gain after childbirth is not a failure but a natural response of the body. Every woman’s body is different, and recovery takes time. Women must learn to reject negative social pressure and find the courage to begin again. Research indicates that 30–37% of women in Pakistan experience depression during or after pregnancy (the perinatal period), which is significantly higher than the global average of 10–15%.
Patriarchal structures remain strong when women’s bodies and lives are controlled by others. This control restricts their freedom to make decisions about health, motherhood, and personal wellbeing. Meaningful change will only occur when women are able to make choices for themselves without fear or social pressure.
The unseen bondages faced by women in Pakistan—through marriage, motherhood, and social expectations—are not merely personal struggles but collective ones. They reflect generations of conditioning that silence women’s voices and restrict their choices. Yet every act of resistance, every “no” spoken against unjust pressure, becomes a seed of change.
Despite the presence of international commitments and domestic legal protections, the gap between law and lived reality for many women in Pakistan remains wide. One major reason is weak implementation.
Laws often exist on paper, but enforcement mechanisms are limited due to lack of institutional capacity, insufficient training of law-enforcement officials, and slow judicial processes. Social and cultural pressures also discourage women from seeking legal protection, as reporting abuse can lead to stigma, family conflict, or economic insecurity. In many communities, informal social norms and patriarchal authority carry more weight than formal legal rights.
Limited awareness of legal protections further prevents women from claiming their rights. For these laws to become effective, reforms must go beyond legislation. Stronger institutional accountability, accessible legal aid, public awareness campaigns, and education on gender equality are essential.
At the same time, community leaders, religious voices, media, and educational institutions must play a role in challenging harmful norms. Only when legal protections are supported by social change, accessible support systems, and genuine political commitment can the promise of these laws translate into real freedom and dignity for women.
True liberation will come when women are no longer judged by how quickly they bear children, how perfectly they manage multiple roles, or how closely they conform to patriarchal ideals. Instead, they should be valued for their humanity, their choices, and their courage.
This Women’s Day, let us honor not only the women who have already spoken out but also those who are still finding their voices. Change begins when women recognize that their worth is not tied to obedience or sacrifice, but to their right to live freely and fully. The journey may be long, but every step toward self-acceptance and autonomy brings us closer to dismantling the unseen bondages that continue to hold women back.